What If: Pencilgon Is The Heroine (From Author's Tweets)

Author's Preface

Pencil

I'd come up with a few different ideas, but the Money, Love, and Me I read recently painted over all of them, so it's no use anymore.

It's a new work by the author of Samon-kun wa Summoner, and it's got the kind of heroine with the screws in her head pulled out and a gold bar jammed in instead, so go read it. Replace the money power with malice and mischief, and that's basically the Pencil heroine route.

Side A: My Lover Goes All-Out on Fashion

My lover is extremely fashionable.

We're both busy, so it's not like we see each other every day, but even so, it feels like her clothes and hairstyle change every single time we meet. At the very least, I've never seen her wearing the same outfit twice.

"…………"

At the café terrace where we'd agreed to meet, I let out a sigh at all the gazes that had been falling on me particularly often lately as I drank my coffee.

My lover-dono had told me, "It's not about whether you get used to it or not, you have to think of it as normal, as something that's simply a given," but apparently I've still got a long way to go before I reach that state of enlightenment. The idiot fish's advice wasn't even as useful as a mosquito, so I've already forgotten it.

I could hear the whispering. Maybe they couldn't be sure because I'm more famous with something covering my head? Hell, should I announce it at the top of my lungs for them? Correct! Standing right here is Hizutome Rakuro, who just yesterday broadcast an exchange of insults and a fight with Leonora Roger on the level of an elementary-school squabble to the entire world! And I'm hiding my face!! Something like that.

That kick-crazed freak…… starting around the third round, her toes were aiming for my crotch way too damn often, what the hell is wrong with her?

"Ah, coffee splashed on me."

Oh shit…… Rumi's gonna kill me. Lately, I dunno why, but she's been butting into my fashion choices like crazy. Sure, I'm making a pretty decent income now, so it's not like I'm trying to pinch pennies, but…… do you really need to buy ten, twenty pieces of clothing a week? It's not like I'm so indifferent that I'd show up to a date in a tracksuit, but from where I'm standing, you shouldn't need two or three hours to think about pants that all look like the same color to me……

"Aww, man, why'd I have to wear a white shirt today of all days? Now there's black specks on the sleeve…… maybe I can wipe it off and hide it while it's still fresh, ah, yep, no good, now the speck's become a blotch, that's checkmate, tai-ari.[*1]"

"Rakuro-kun? You're doing something awfully entertaining all by yourself again."

"…………Sorry you had to see something so unsightly."

"Nfufu, considering what you and I are to each other. I don't mind."

What kind of relationship is that supposed to mean………… ah, well, I guess this is the kind of relationship we have…………

"Still, what a coincidence. You're in white and I'm in black…… we make a pretty good pair."

"Unfortunately, Rumi's the one who picked my clothes, so the person whose fashion sense you're compatible with isn't me, it's my little sister."

"That's one comment too many, you knowー………… ah."

"Hm? What's wro………… again?"

"Nfufu, you're getting used to it too, Rakuro-kun………… Okay, the girl in the beret across the street, three, two, one……"

After I stood up, my lover-dono came closer and smoothly slipped her arm through mine, and as I pressed in close beside her, I struck that sweep-your-hair-back pose I'd been told to use whenever I couldn't think of anything else to do. Apparently it worked, because I could see the beret-wearing girl who'd been trying to secretly take a picture of us staring wide-eyed in shock…………

Seriously, my lover is so stylish it's enough to leave me smitten.

Side B: My Lover Is Indifferent to Fashion

My lover is indifferent to fashion.

We're both busy, so it's not like we see each other every day, but even so, at the request of my dear collaboratorfuture sister-in-law, I can't afford to let my guard down, because the moment I do, he'll try to wear a tracksuit.

"〜〜〜♪"

I made my way toward the café terrace we'd chosen as our meeting spot, humming to myself. Normally I'd answer the many gazes with a smile, but today I didn't spare them a glance. Both my heart and my body were headed straight ahead, and I was almost at the meeting spot.

Has he still not realized? Who it really is that's deciding which clothes his own sister tells him to wear. Does it not even cross his mind that I sacrifice sleep to think up the combination of clothes that will look best standing beside whatever I'm wearing? If so…… that pisses me off, just a little. Surely the gods, Buddhas, and King Enma would forgive me for messing with him a little.

"Nfufu…… fouuund you."

He had on a white shirt open slightly at the chest and light-colored denim, an outfit that was the exact opposite of mine today…… a black blouse and dark-colored denim.

I'd ended up a little late because I'd spent too long setting my hair, but that was part of my charm, and I'd tell him to let it slide with a laugh since I'd be giving him my very best smile; ten steps remained until I reached him, and why, I wondered, was my heart pounding this hard over a mere few meters when I already knew the reason…… and so a smile naturally rose to my face, his back came into the center of my vision, and apparently he'd splashed coffee onto his sleeve, and the way he was trying to wipe at it with a vigorous scrub, scrub really put his idiocy on full display…… he really never did bore me.

"Rakuro-kun? You're doing something awfully entertaining all by yourself again."

"…………Sorry you had to see something so unsightly."

"Nfufu, considering what you and I are to each other."

Yes, what he and I are to each other. My one and only lover.

"Still, what a coincidence. You're in white and I'm in black…… we make a pretty good pair."

"Unfortunately, Rumi's the one who picked my clothes, so the person whose fashion sense you're compatible with isn't me, it's my little sister."

"That's one comment too many, you knowー………… ah."

So he really hadn't figured it out. Somehow, I was starting to get irritated……… That's it, I'll use that to make him understand. Who should be standing beside me, and who should be standing beside you.

"Hm? What's wro………… again?"

"Nfufu, you're getting used to it too, Rakuro-kun………… Okay, the girl in the beret across the street, three, two, one……"

I hooked my arm through his, pressed close as though pushing my whole body against him, let a smile from the heart rise to my face, and looked straight at the camera. The contrast between white and black would surely look fantastic in a photo, and I picked his clothes myself, so there was no way they wouldn't suit him. Would that girl upload it to SNS? If so, perfect, world, behold. This is my lover.

Seriously, my lover really is indifferent to fashion.

Author's Afterword

Probably something like Pencilgon making a flashy confession in an interview or something a few hours before Rakuro is due to compete in a tournament, then a few hours later, at the tournament, the very first thing he's asked about is that confession, but he dodges the question and plays his match, wins without dropping a round, then snatches the mic from the host and gives her his answer.

…………Heroine-chan has to top even this? Isn't that insane?

A woman who, if an IF ever went down her route, would start calling him "Raku-kun": Pencilgon.

A woman who makes sure everyone knows the affection level of her form of address has gone up, warning them off with an unmistakable "this one's mine": Pencilgon.

It's an IF, so I can say whatever I want.

Heroine-chan! Do you even have the guts for that!!

Nope. (A merciless pronouncement from the author.)

Translator's Notes

• [1] tai-ari: Japanese gaming shorthand for taisen arigatou gozaimashita, "thank you for the match." Together with "checkmate," Rakuro jokingly treats his ruined white shirt as though he'd just lost a competitive match.