Chapter 775: December 14th: The Emperor's Detour
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Humanity cannot become heroes on this battlefield, because if you stand out too much, you get sniped from above.
And so, in order to avoid the equipment loss caused by the current trash update, I took a look at my party members—who, having just finished a hellish battlefield triathlon, were in a state of absolute, thoroughly beaten-down wreckage that made the phrase 'a single touch of an armored sleeve' sound far too mild—and offered a single word.
"Thoughts?"
"Heh...... Not bad."
"It brought back some nostalgic feelings."
"Give me a two-day all-nighter, I'll show you a perfect clear."
"Do you know how bugs mate?"
I see, so to the Saba-Gan veterans, this is the sort of thing that evokes nostalgia. Though obviously there weren't monsters this massive on the isolated island...... If anything, this feels more like Hazardous Farming. Ignoring the idiot.
"Seriously though, how the hell did you manage to beat these things?"
"War is all about how well you can ride the winning horse."
"The seasonal word?"
"War."
"That's a pretty all-season seasonal word......"
That's just human karma for you...... Well, setting that aside, now that you've all thoroughly enjoyed yourselves, how about I show you all how it's done?
"The smart way to fight here isn't to challenge them head-on, but to reap the fisherman's profi—"
I died from a beam fired from above.
"Ah."
"Eh."
"What?"
"Pfft."
............Yeah.
Crawling sluggishly out of the tent, I gathered my scattered equipment from the ground and let out a single sigh.
"Sunraku-kuuuun......... Thoughts?"
"It was an unforeseen accident."
Man, this is rough...... To think the Alexand Scorpions-kun were directing such passionate gazes my way. Actually, they totally targeted me and only me just now, right? Hmm? If my eyes aren't deceiving me, they precisely sniped me the absolute instant I stepped into the field, didn't they?
Let's test this out one more time......
Flash.
"And dodgeeeeeee!!"
No doubt about it, I'm being explicitly sniped. But why............ Ugh, a headache.
............
......
If I recall, the last time I came here...... I'm pretty sure that was when I was running late for school in real life, so I abandoned a scorpion I was one breath away from defeating and plummeted to my death...... Ah, that's the punchline right there. I see how it is. Don't tell me a "I've memorized your face" command was implemented?
......
............
Headache over.
"I seeeeeee......"
"There's seriously monsters way up there?"
"It's the natural habitat of the Hyper Flexible & Explosion Beam Scorpions. They don't live anywhere else, so they're an endangered species."
Well, if you put it that way, basically sixty percent of the monsters in ShanFro would qualify as endangered species. There are some monsters you see all over the place, like Vorpal Bunnies for example.
"I like beam guns too, you know. They give that uniquely gaming feel."
"Factoring in getting shot at from above...... Add one for a three-day all-nighter, I suppose."
Gah, this fence seriously won't open. And besides, I have no intention of spending the night here anyway! At this rate, all I've done is show them this location...... but whatever, it was bound to happen sooner or later. I occasionally talk to the mapping guys like Tottori, so I know a decent number of players have already pushed past the sea of trees. Plus, it's not like these are materials a single person could monopolize anyway......
"Can't be helped, things seem to have gotten annoying again, so it's about time we head out........."
"""Eh?"""
"Yeeees."
You've gotta be kidding me, the only one who agreed was Deep Slaughter of all people? The other three are completely fired up to stay? What? I'm the party leader, right? You're defying the leader's orders? No, wait, if our positions were reversed, I'd probably stay too......... Haa, can't be helped............
"Overwerke, no all-nighters. We're finishing this in one night."
"If we can finish it in one night, doesn't that mean if I pull an all-nighter, I can farm it about five times?"
"Something even worse will pop out, so I really think you shouldn't."
The battle between the Queen Fortress and Trainol Dora—which are even larger than the Fortress and Trainol Gustav currently fighting—makes the word "hellscape" sound far too mild. Assuming a standard Fortress spawns 10 Armilets, the Queen Fortress spawns at least 50 on a conservative estimate...... maybe even close to ten times that amount at worst. And the power and range of Dora's Poison Railway Cannon is over five times that of Gustav's...... Basically, if you're on the ground, you are guaranteed to die.
Moreover, if the lower floor gets too noisy, the scorpions living on the upper floors get pissed off and start firing beams, resulting in a grand hell of leaking roofs from above and earthquakes from below. The fact that I managed to survive that battle in the past and secure materials was honestly close to a miracle.
So what does this mean? Looked at another way......... Having about four human sacrifices deployed to the battlefield below while I settle the score without any distractions with the scorpion who specifically requested me is, well, something I could definitely consider an option. If the ground gets too loud, the Alexand Scorpions' aggro will start to scatter anyway...... Alright.
"A true professional even puts dressing on the literal detours they take! Hence, Detour!!" [*1]
"What a terribly amusing gourmand."
"So you aren't actually assessing whether the grass is edible......"
"Is weed grass really just grassy-smelling and bitter?"
"""Foxtails just get stuck in your teeth."""
"Wow...... A threesome......"
Isolated Island Common Experience, Number 9.
Looking at foxtails and thinking civilized thoughts like "Could this maybe work like wheat?", but ultimately eating it raw and having it endlessly stuck in your teeth.
......
............
"You've gotta be kidding me!? A point-blank shotty doesn't even dent it!?"
"Hey, this ain't something you can just climb or cling to, Sunrakuuuu!!"
"Man, this is fun! It's been a while since I've fought completely blind without any proper prep!!"
I felt like I heard some amusing animal cries coming from below. But no, amidst this deafening roar, there's no way I could conveniently hear human voices, so it must be my imagination.
Before my eyes was an Alexand Scorpion with an unnaturally chipped pincer. I see, the more I look at it, the more my fading memories regain their clear shape.
I see, indeed, I was definitely in the wrong for this one. Battling scorpions had become about half-routine farming for me, so running away leaving things half-finished was bad form according to the Vorpal Soul.
"You gotta wash off the shame before painting over it......... No, my bad, seriously. I can't call myself your best friend if I leave it like this."
Just like deepening a friendship on a good old riverbank, there are friendships that can only be understood through a fair and square fistfight. That's what I believe......... Now, let's settle this!!
"Sunraku-kuuuun, do your besttt."
"That's within firing range, you know."
"Eh? Npihckk—"
Everyone's on edge during a war, you see. Especially if you're clinging to the outer rim, the nearby scorpions will snipe you...... You pitiful woman, there's no such thing as safe spectator seating on a battlefield.
Author's Afterword
Trivia: The "Caesar" in Caesar salad comes from the name of the chef who invented it, and has absolutely zero connection to the famous Julius Caesar!!
By the way, Deep Slaughter was levitating her wand on the outer edge and standing on top of it.
Since she was a stationary target, she naturally got sniped. Stepping into the neighboring room would result in a brawl, but no one gets mad if you just swat bugs from the balcony... Welcome to the top floor of the Scorpion Heights......
Translator's Notes
- [1] Caesar Salad: A pun on the Japanese word for "loitering/taking a detour" (道草 - michikusa), which literally translates to "roadside grass." Sunraku jokes that a true professional dresses their "grass" (detours), hence the Caesar salad reference. Additionally, the chapter title "The Emperor's Detour" plays off the fact that the title "Caesar" was historically synonymous with Emperor.
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