Chapter 611: In the End, Generic Cards Are the Ones Doing the Talking
Phylogenetic Geoglyph!!
It is the most funky and exciting trading card game ever, where you form your very own ecosystem within a field designed to represent an entire world and environment, and you achieve victory by leaving your opponent's ecosystem completely wide open to launch a direct attack against the player themselves!!
First, players must assemble four monsters on the "Origin" squares, of which there are four available on the field. Then, they place monsters with dedicated effects on the two "Stimulator" squares, activate "Spell Phenomenon" cards, set up "Areas," and otherwise alter the environment. Finally, they summon their trump card—an Evolved Species monster—onto the "Evolutioner" square surrounded by the Origin squares...
"I see, I see."
I don't understand a damn thing. I'm currently trying to start a game of PhyloGeo based entirely on nothing but vibes. Couldn't you have, I don't know... done something about this!? Come on, think about it... If an elementary schooler were to play this, there's no way they'd understand what the hell a Stimulator is, right?
But well, whatever, you learn these kinds of things by actually playing them. The gatekeeper of the first floor of the "Tower"—a humanoid figure with blurred outlines similar to the Techno-Magi-Gelus from the First Shell Layer—suddenly struck an excessively spirited pose and materialized a PhyloGeo deck out of thin air to face me!!
"Alright, let's get this started..."
『Ah, when starting a match, it is required that you shout "Generation!" with plenty of fighting spirit...』
"Is that mandatory?"
『It is mandatory.』
Eeeh...? Seriously, what's with forcing that kind of hot-blooded, shonen manga-esque hype down my throat... 『The right to go first or second is determined by the volume of your voice.』
"GENERRRRRRAAAAAAAAAATIONNNNNN!!!"
Alright!! I'm taking the first turn!!!!
"My turn!!"
In this game, there is no such thing as a cost, and on top of that, players cannot attack each other during the first cycle. Because of this, players are absolutely required to germinate their environments during this period of non-aggression!!
Kukuku, let me show you... the sheer terror of a rarity-inverted, trampling Scorpion Beatdown deck!!
"From my hand, I birth a Crystal Scorpion. By placing the first monster on an Origin square, the 'Breeding' card is added to my hand... And then! I set the 'Prescribed Condition Domain・Crystal' from my hand onto the Area!! With this, all conditions are met!!"
If you end your turn with a Crystal Scorpion on the field by itself, it will automatically undergo Extinction, meaning it dies off. However, this Prescribed Condition Domain・Crystal completely nullifies the Crystal Scorpion's demerit! Furthermore, upon activation, it has the effect of searching your deck for up to four random cards that contain "Crystal Scorpion" in their card name or text!!
"Gaze upon this surging expansion and perish! I activate the effect of Crystal Scorpion! By destroying this card, I can summon as many monsters from my hand that contain 'Crystal Scorpion' in their card name or text onto the Origin squares as possible!!"
Fuhahaha! Spectacular! What a spectacular sight!!
"And this is where the true despair begins. I activate the Stimulator ability of the 'Elder Crystal Scorpion' in my hand! When a monster whose ATK is equal to or less than the total ATK of all Crystal Scorpions on the field divided by the number of monsters on the opponent's Origin squares is summoned onto the opponent's Evolutioner square! That monster is destroyed!!"
Four Crystal Scorpions on the field, the environment perfectly prepared, and with the Elder Crystal Scorpion present on a Stimulator square, every single condition has been fulfilled!!
"Open, Tree Diagram of Life! Solitary brilliance embraced by the moonlight, be born into the light right here, right now!!"
Just for the record, I wasn't the one who came up with this line; it's the actual flavor text. So it doesn't reflect my sense of taste, though saying it was by my own volition.
"Spell Phenomenon 'Unbalanced Diet Mutation'!! With four Crystal Scorpions on the field, and by returning one 'Crystal Scorpion' from the graveyard back to the deck, this monster is born onto the Evolutioner square!! Come forth, 'Golden Crystal Scorpion'!!"
It's a flawless board state... That damn "Isana" is staring blankly at my tactics.
"With this, I end my turn..."
『Ahー......』
"Huh, what is it?"
『No, well... I suppose this too is a valuable experience.』
Hmm? What complaints could anyone possibly have about this board? The Golden Crystal Scorpion is an Evolutioner monster capable of acting during the opponent's turn. Not only can it disrupt the opponent's setup, but if they summon a compromised Evolutioner, the Elder Crystal Scorpion's effect will instantly incinerate it... I literally cannot envision a single scenario where I lose this.
Just as I was thinking that, the opponent NPC made their move. Kukuku, as expected, they're completely helpless against a board state like this...
"My, turn. I, will use the Spell Phenomenon 'Environmental Collapse' from my hand, to destroy your, 'Prescribed Condition Domain・Crystal'. The Golden Crystal Scorpion, cannot, negate the activation of, Spell Phenomenon cards."
"Eh."
"I, birth a 'Goblin'. I set the Area, 'Food Chain・Lower Tier'. With this, by using the 'Raging Orc', in my hand as a cost, I birth any number of 'Goblins', from my deck."
"No, wait! In response to the Area activation, I activate the Golden Crystal Scorpion's effect! I'll be destroying that!!"
"Then, I play a second copy."
"Hoah!!?"
I've got a bad feeling about this, a very, very bad feeling. All that happened was a single Area card of mine getting destroyed... No, wait, that Area destruction is exactly the—
"The Golden Crystal Scorpion's effect, can only be used once. I, place a 'Wise Goblin', on the Stimulator square, and... end my turn."
"...Hah, so you didn't play an Evolutioner because you were wary of my effects. In that case, I'll just finish you off right—"
"At this moment, the effects of the 'Crystal Scorpions', and 'Golden Crystal Scorpion', activate."
"Hah!? No, wait, those are my—"
"Effect priority, fluctuates based on the number of monsters. Therefore, the demerit effect of the Crystal Scorpions, is processed first. Because there is no Area, all of them, undergo Extinction!!"
"Hoaah!!?"
"Furthermore! At the end of the opponent's turn, the Golden Crystal Scorpion, undergoes Extinction if it does not use one Crystal Scorpion as a cost!!"
"............"
"It is your, turn... Do you, have anything?"
"I surrender."
......
............
..................
"Yo Sunraku, did you find anything useful? I actually got quite a good haul on my end."
"That card game is trash. It's better not to get involved with it."
"Huh?"
Author's Afterword
From the 50th floor and up, the gatekeepers actually start constantly shuffling and snapping the cards in their hands (Shaka-pachi). If you do that in real life, you'll damage the cards and simply annoy your opponent, so don't do it!!
Is it supposed to be an intimidation tactic? Is it the same vibe as a rattlesnake rattling its tail? (Katarina does not like Shaka-pachi).
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