Chapter 35: The Knight King of Writing Utensils

Now then, if I am to introduce my dear friend Pencil Warrior—a fellow trash game enthusiast with whom I share a relationship of mutually raising middle fingers with a smile—I must first introduce a certain game that is absolutely essential to knowing her.

The name of that game is United Rounds. It is a cooperative (supposedly) VRMMO where players become knights to save a kingdom on the brink of ruin by fighting off attacking monsters, with the catchphrase "Overlap your swords, and unite." However, the fact that this game sits enshrined on the shelf in my house means, simply put, it is a trash game.

First, as a premise, the drop rates are unbelievably bad. For example, let's say a beginner knight (player) accepts a "Medicinal Herb Collection Mission." The NPC superior orders them to go gather herbs in the forest right near the base. Now, what is the smartest and easiest method a rookie knight should take? Since it's a tutorial, should they obediently gather them in the forest? Congratulations! You will spend roughly 12 hours doing nothing but crawling around on all fours in the grass. After all, this game is faithful to its setting to the point where you'd want to snap and ask if they programmed it with their eyes closed. That is to say, everything is on the brink of ruin. Even the "Pebble," which has the highest drop rate of all items in the game... sits at an astonishing drop rate of 40%. It is sheer madness. If players are unlucky, they must pick up stones while constantly dismissing windows that say:

"It seems this stone is not suitable for throwing..."

Why, you ask? Because the starting equipment sword breaks after three full swings!! By the way, the drop rate for medicinal herbs is 2%. The weeds' reproductive power is so robust you literally want to eradicate them.

Then what is the correct answer? Simple. You take it from others. This is the biggest trash element of United Rounds: it is a "Post-Apocalyptic Looting Game." While the category of becoming an outlaw in an open world exists in many games, famous and obscure alike, no one would expect looting to be the optimal solution in a cooperative MMO. But in fact, even strategy wikis explicitly state for the initial herb gathering: "It is easiest to raid the NPC shop or ambush and rob players who have raided it." Furthermore, perhaps out of spite, the developers declared, "We will absolutely not change the drop rates," so the apocalypse known as the Kingdom never depopulated and perished. After all, since PvP became a mandatory prerequisite, and game review sites gave it 1-star ratings with overly descriptive reasons, PvP enthusiasts flocked to it like bugs to a bug zapper. Beyond just being toxic, looting became a greeting, ambush attacks right before logging out became the norm, and betrayal during quests became standard procedure. This hopelessness where everyone is an enemy attracted even core users. As a result, United Rounds... commonly known as "The Post-Apocalyptic Round Table," achieved a decent level of success as an MMO and continues to this day, enjoyed in a way completely opposite to its intended purpose.

Let's return to Pencil Warrior. Among the new players drawn in, she was one of the so-called "Outrage" faction attracted by that post-apocalyptic environment. I'll skip the process, but in the Post-Apocalyptic Round Table where practically everyone was an enemy, she rampaged to her heart's content, utilized every trick in the book, and—perhaps having gone completely mad—achieved domination over the kingdom. Thus, the Pencil Kingdom was born, redder than blood, proclaiming "Let's share all the wealth and drop items together (Smile)."

Those were amazing times. A dystopia so perfect that even I had to admit, "The trashiness has gone full circle to become a god game." Thorough exploitation of players she intentionally didn't make her subordinates was just the beginning. She had insiders purposefully create a resistance to give the victims a will to rebel—in other words, a countermeasure to stop them from quitting the game. She was truly the Demon Lord, the mastermind. The actual final boss of the story, Demon King "Romanis XVIII" or whatever that shadowy mob was called, couldn't even compare. Her nicknames "True Evil" and "Dystopia Empress" were by no means exaggerations. In that moment, United Rounds was undeniably in the palm of one player's hand.

I and... was his name KatzoTataki back then? Anyway, ModoruKatzo and I, as mercenaries belonging to neither the rebel army nor the kingdom's army (even though we were knights?), used the rebel army as a decoy to infiltrate Pencil Warrior Castle. We slipped through vicious traps, pushed Pencil Knight subordinates onto the rebels, and finally, although it ended in a draw despite being a 2-on-1, we succeeded in assassinating Pencil Warrior. Thus, the curtain fell on the United Rounds era known as the "Pencil Dynasty"... Come to think of it, she was called Arthur Pencilgon, likening her to the legend of King Arthur.

"What a name that brings back unpleasant memories..."

"Fufufu, I came all the way from Fifticia, fully aware of the penalty, just to childishly kill you. You should weep with gratitude and be spawn-camped, okay?"

Grinning broadly, Pencil Warrior... or rather, Arthur Pencilgon, took a stance with a one-handed sword that was clearly powerful. True, I did send her a screenshot of Emul eating a carrot just to harass her, but was that enough to come all the way here to PK me? Also, Emul, hiding your ears is good, but your tail is fully exposed. Go stand in the corner so no one notices.

"Just so you know, I didn't come here only for personal reasons."

"Hah."

"You and Katzo-kun are the same. That snort you guys do to mock people so naturally is really irritating."

Someone who is selfishness given human form, with talent and high APP (Appearance) installed, moving for someone other than herself? If that's a joke, I'd give it a 72.

"You see, I'm currently the Number 2 of 'Ashura-kai'."

"Number 2 of Ashura-kai... Don't tell me, 'Giant Killing' Pencilgon!?"

At Animalia's voice, mixed with shock and awe, there was a few seconds of silence.

"Giant Killing?"

"Well, since I only targeted players higher level than me, people started calling me that. Recently, because of the PK nerf, it's become harder to do, but... you know, it's like using 'old tricks of the trade'."

"More like you're the Giant getting Killed, Dystopia Empress."

"That too."

""Ahahahaha!""

Animalia and Emul stared at me and Pencilgon laughing our heads off as if they couldn't believe it, but since we are reasonably close friends, this much is natural.

"And with that, you're wide open!"

"I knew you'd come, idiot!"

And since Pencilgon and I usually play games as enemies, this level of treachery is an everyday occurrence. I dodged the knife, which seemed to be a disposable throwing weapon, and looked around. Now then, how shall I get through this situation?

Translator's Remarks:

Old tricks of the trade: Pencilgon uses the idiom Mukashi totta kinezuka (literally: "The pestle handle used long ago"), meaning skills one mastered in the past that they can still use well.

KatzoTataki: A play on Katsuo-no-Tataki (Seared Bonito), a famous Japanese dish.