Chapter 321: The Kind of Horror that Can Be Solved with Physics

Author's Preface
Hello, Europeman Katarina here. Today's chapter is a bit short.

"Give me your bloooood...! Your fleeeeesh...! Your liiiifffee...!"

"Iyaaaaaaaa! Gyaaaaaahhh!?"

Intentionally removing all the strength from my neck and letting my head bob wildly with a gakkun gakkun, I chased Techi around. It started off as a small prank, but seeing her give such a genuinely perfect reaction was making it increasingly more fun.

"Ugh, hic, sob, waaaaaaa...!"

"I'm the one who wants to cry right now! How are you so good at fake crying!? This is too scary, too Terrifying, too Gross!!"

"Oi, you little punk, what did you just say at the end?"

"Don't suddenly drop your voice like a mobster!!"

Shall I show you the "48 Hands of Horror Game Movements for Monsters that are Scary Even When You Know What They're Doing," which I cultivated while clearing numerous horror games?

"Here we go! Let's start off with 'The Vengeful Spirit that chases you while convulsing with stop-motion frame-by-frame movements'!"

"Pigyaaaaaaaaah!!?"

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"You really took it too far."

"Yes..."

Just as I was chasing her around using one of my 48 Hands of Horror Games—specifically "The Fast-Walker with Ridiculously Loud Footsteps"—I was captured by Josette.
I guess I got a little too carried away with the prank. I was dangerously close to being slashed to death...

"Still, that equipment... I've never seen it before. What exactly is it?"

"Hm? Oh, this is the drop item you get when you defeat True Quiet."

"True...?"

"That shitty mob that spawns when you trigger a Slaughter."

"Ah, That thing!? Wait, you can actually defeat that...? I totally thought it was an invincible penalty monster."

"And it's a direct drop?"

Since Techi—who was hiding behind Josette's back—asked me that while looking at me with half-lidded eyes, I nodded affirmatively while twitching my head with a kakun kakun.
I wasn't doing it to scare her; it was genuinely just an unconscious action, but it seems she didn't take it that way.

"Please accept this apology item..."

Considering we're probably going to be bumping into each other quite a lot while progressing the Saint's quest, I decided to hand her an apple pie as an apology.

"What kind of bizarre scenario involves a woman in mourning clothes handing out an apple pie...?"

"I can't take this off until I die at least once, so I'm going to be stuck looking like this for a while."

"Then die right now..."

Techi's mouth was twitching, but since that wasn't my fault, I can't take responsibility for it.

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After that, I committed the blunder of being cornered with questions like, "Where the hell did you even get an apple pie with stat buffs!?", but I managed to repel them using the classic doll-type horror technique of vibrating my head in tiny increments. Is this appearance really that scary?

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"...Sea cucumber."

"Gyaaaaaaaaah!?"

"..................Sunraku?"

Yep, this is fun. While sneaking through the forest solo from the back entrance of Skull Azuchi, I noticed a strangely noisy group. When I stealthily approached them, it turned out to be Rust and Mold's group.
Reflecting on how I got scolded for teasing Techi, I came to the conclusion, "Well, if it's people I know, it's fine!" Sneaking up from behind, I traced my finger down Mold's neck with a tsuuu...
I couldn't think of a good line to say, so I just went with tonight's dinner... Wait, what the hell is a sea cucumber? Why are we eating sea cucumber, old man...?

".........! .........! .........!?"

"...How did you find us?"

"Literal pure coincidence."

".........I see."

Still, what a contrasting duo. It's like... the kind of boss fight where lowering Mold's stats actively raises Rust's stats. Then again, bosses that spawn as a pair usually make it pretty obvious what they're going to do. If you don't kill them both at exactly the same time, there's like a 60-70% chance one will just revive the other.

"T-That's way too bad for my heart! Seriously, stop doing that!"

"My bad, my bad. Was it really that scary?"

"...Honestly, if I hadn't seen your player name first, I would have attacked."

Whoa, please spare me. The gear I sacrificed to equip this wasn't exactly sturdy, so if I took an arrow from your heavy bow at point-blank range, my head would literally fly off.

Perhaps my Scar and R.I.P.'s indestructible trait were clashing with each other, because for quite a while now, an ominous sound resembling cracking ice echoed with every step I took. But since it wasn't breaking, I figured I'd just leave it be. Sending an impromptu party invite, we formed a party of three and decided to proceed with the mentality of "Let's just keep moving forward until we die!"

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"Heh, so you guys ended up boarding the ship because you got dragged into the revival arc of a failing trading company's young master?"

"Rust was observing him, saying, 'I'm interested in seeing what a cornered NPC will do.' But when the topic of going to the New Continent came up, we just accepted the quest."

"...He looked like a reaction comedian. It was fun to watch."

Is that so.

"Oh, right. Rust... the Clan Base is finished."

"Hmm............!?"

Rust, who had been completely uninterested up until now, suddenly snapped her head toward me with a high-speed gurii!!. Fufufu, it seems she realized exactly what that means...!

"Which means!"

"Well, I still have to meet up with those two fiends since I handed the reactors over to them."

"...Sunraku possesses a means of teleportation. Therefore, meeting up with them will be easy...!"

"Are you telling me to go right now? Well, time-wise, assuming they executed the EX Scenario perfectly, they should be just about finished clearing it by now..."

They haven't contacted me at all. Then again, the final act of that scenario is a massive escape sequence against "The Blue," so I suppose it can't be helped.

"They've been actively using the tactical mechs, so I seriously doubt they fell for the Delusional Form's trap. Which probably means second clears and beyond don't get a server-wide announcement."

"...Muu."

Even with Rei-shi in the group, it's incredibly hard to imagine that elite party failing a Unique Scenario that eight of us managed to clear. Knowing that fake magical girl, she probably compiled the various bits of information I leaked about the Ctarrnid scenario and created a pseudo-strategy guide.

"Well, in a broad sense, I guess I'm technically a magical girl right now too..."

"...Living in modern Japan, that's not a phrase you get to hear very often."

"Instead of a magical girl, shouldn't it be an evil witch?"

"Do you want me to give your diaphragm a three-day spasm with my ultimate, absolutely guaranteed-to-make-you-laugh story?"

"That threat is way too innovative!?"

That one story where Pencilgon got stuck headfirst into the ground, Katzo fused with an NPC, and I rocketed off into space... No, let's stop for now.
Still, she's right. Living in modern Japan, "I am a magical girl" really isn't a phrase you get to say very often.

"Come to think of it... looking closely, the fact that you're walking without swaying your body at all is incredibly creepy..."

"Oh, you noticed? I'm basically sliding my feet across the ground."

Somehow, I'm starting to really enjoy this horror roleplay. At this rate, I kind of want those Dual Scissor Swords, considering how perfectly they'd fit a horror aesthetic... Oh right. Speaking of Dual Scissor Swords (The ones I saw in Rabituza).

Right at that exact moment, a horse-like Triceratops charged in from the side and scored a direct hit on me, and I died.

"S-Sunrakuー!"

I couldn't defeat physics...

Author's Afterword
The Magical Girl (Horror Entity) that makes cracking noises with every step she takes.