Chapter 251: Slip Slash Scramble

We escaped the Black Wolf Mansion. While the representatives of the other clans followed us out in droves for some reason, the bastards and I walked aimlessly.

A five-on-five, but there are only four people belonging to the dark side of "Wolfgang." Mathematically, we're short one person, but...?

"Well, it'll work out somehow."

Alright, my business here is done. For now, I'll log out to grab some dinner, and then I'll figure out what to do after that... Yeah.

"So why exactly was I dragged into an alleyway and forced into a posture resembling a captured extraterrestrial entity?"

"Nn〜, to put it simply, you see."

"Yes."

"We sold you out to call them here."

"Uooooh, let me goooooo! This is a violation of the Geneva Conventions aaaaaaah!!"

Dammit! Next week is already guaranteed to be an all-nighter fueled by energy drinks, and now this!? I want some breathing room! I want some free time!
Dammit. No matter how much I lament, the RNG is ruthless. But I won't spill my secrets just from a little torture...!

"For now, regarding 'Library' and 'Team 10PM', I can answer them as the clan, but regarding the 'Saint Fanclub', they specifically nominated you, Sunraku-kun."

I can't help but shed a tear for SF-Zoo, who got naturally left out of the loop, but I want them to live on strongly.
Wait, me personally? I'm getting a ton of bad premonitions about this, but I suppose I can at least hear what they have to say.

"Well, skipping straight to the point, the Saint-chan has taken an interest in you, you see. Therefore, as the Saint-chan's loyal shields, we must fulfill her wishes..."

The Saint-chan. Her official name was something like the Saint of Landmines, Iristella... Wait, what the hell is a Saint of Landmines? It's Affection (Jiai), not Landmine (Jirai). A Saint of Landmines is just a straight-up warmonger no matter how you look at it.

Isn't she the NPC who can lift the Marking that Psyger-100 brought up as one of the alliance conditions a while back?
To be perfectly honest, now that it's been upgraded to a "Scar" and permanently locked in, I have absolutely no reason to go out of my way to see her...

"Me?"

"Yes. Truth be told, we've been independently searching for you, but we couldn't find you. We figured if we got buddy-buddy with your clan, we might be able to pinpoint your location."

"You could probably catch me easily if you set up one of those traps where a basket is propped up by a stick, and used a trash game as bait."

Yes, quiet down over there. What do you think I am? Ah, but if it was an unopened copy of Galaxy Traveler with the first-print limited edition bonus, I might jump at it. Even though it's a trash game, its premium value has skyrocketed to an insane price of 200,000 yen.

A game that recreated its sci-fi setting way too faithfully, resulting in a forced once-in-a-lifetime encounter mechanic where "the universe is too vast, and the map data periodically gets wiped, making it impossible to return to the exact same location twice."
A dangerous forced gamble where a meteorite crashes into your spaceship 40% of the time, meaning if you don't time your hyper-jumps perfectly near a suitable star system, you become space dust.
A game where you encounter hostile species 60% of the time, so despite the characters aboard preaching peace, your spaceship slowly turns into a battleship the further you progress.
And above all else, if you don't constantly manage the mental health of your NPC crew who are perpetually on the verge of going insane, they'll launch a coup d'état and trigger a forced Game Over.

If you just closed your eyes to those points, it's actually quite a masterpiece... Ah, I forgot to mention the part where you also have to close your eyes to the fact that a brand new copy costs 120,000 yen because the first-print bonus included a literal planetarium projector that synced with the game to change the star alignments in your room.

I actually bought the 2,000 yen base-game-only version—without the 118,000 yen planetarium projector—and played it, but man, that game really sucked you into the void.
It was like running a marathon with no finish line until you drop dead, or wandering a desert larger than Japan's total landmass to find an ant's contact lens... Ahh, the stars explode alongside the Tannhäuser Gate as the space battleship presses ever onward...

"...Hah!?"

M-My thoughts flew off to the edge of the universe.
No good, no good. Even though it was a void with no finish line, the gameplay itself was actually pretty fun, so I couldn't find a good place to stop. There was a time when I spent about four months constantly picking fights with the Galactic Empire, but my consciousness somehow managed to return to Earth, so it's currently displayed (sealed away) on my shelf.

"...And that's why we're asking. What do you think?"

"Eh? .........Eh?"

"Ah, this is Sunraku when he isn't listening at all. We'll have to punch him once to bring him back to his senses."

"I'm listening, I'm listening. In short, we're going to meet the Saint-chan, right? Which planet is she on?"

"I see. Just as your friend said, you weren't listening at all... I was asking if your schedule was open the day before your representative battle with Black Wolf next week?"

Why does every single one of you try to cram your schedules a week from now?

"No can do. That day, I'm going to Rabituza to beat up a clone of Golduni...... ne............... Ah."

"Goldunine?"

I didn't spill my secrets, but my mouth sure slipped, huh... hahaha...

"........."

"........."

As everyone in the area completely froze, I maintained a gentle smile beneath my salmon head, softly shook off OiKatzo and Kyou-timate's hands gripping my arms, equipped the Star Cloak of Lapistella, casually slipped out of the alleyway like it was the most natural thing in the world, and...

Gashi.

"Is there something you need, Old-Man-Fraudster-appearance-wise?"

"I'd very much like to hear the details of what you just said."

"It's a hassle, so some other time. 【Instant Teleport (Apport)】!"

"Ah, he ran away!"

"If it's an Instant Teleport, he should still be close! Capture him even if you have to cut off his limbs!"

"No seriously, you're terrifying!"

"I found him! Over there!"

Dammit alllllllll! I am a single fish who loves freedom! If a carp climbing a waterfall becomes a dragon, what does a salmon become!?

............

.........

......

"Fu, fuhahaha... I managed to shake them off... I am the Strong Salmon..."

"Somehow, I feel like Sunraku-san's Vorpal Soul is rising in a really trivial way desu wa..."

Any troublesome matters that piled up today will be shipped via cash-on-delivery to the "Me" of tomorrow. Good luck, tomorrow's Me. Let me send you a cheer from the past to the future.

Yes, hello. I am tomorrow's Me... or rather, today's Me. Regarding the troublesome matters shipped via cash-on-delivery from yesterday's Me, I have decided to forward them once again to tomorrow's Me. Good luck, tomorrow's Me.
And so, having tossed all the annoying bullshit into the far-off distance, I dove into a different kind of ascetic training... A strike straight to the top of the head!

"Daaah! I can't wiiiiiiin!!"

I'm swinging at him without caring about my posture anymore, yet he completely deals with every single strike using nothing but absolute bare-minimum evasion just out of my attack range!
What the hell is with that bullshit AI! There's no way that's a Trace AI! That's just a TAS no matter how you look at it!

Exhausted by interpersonal relationships, I sought to heal my rugged heart by visiting the VR Kendo Dojo where a demonically strong bullshit boss awaited, only to be struck with a Men-strike for the umpteenth time and sink into the floor.

"Dammit... He's an actual, genuine master..."

Sylvia Goldberg was basically a human TAS in her own right, but hers was similar to mine—reflexive movements pushed to the absolute extreme purely for fighting games.
But this swordsman who once actually existed is different. To put it simply, he's avoiding my attacks after seeing them.

It's not that he's reading the speed of the sword; it's more like he's completely reading my next move based on my overall bodily movements. The exact moment I step forward, he sees through what kind of attack is coming and deals with it using the absolute minimum movement required.
To put it another way, it's like a rhythm game where you've completely memorized the chart. It's the absolute pinnacle of optimization, as if he's saying, "I know exactly what's coming, so flashy movements are unnecessary."

"I mean, it's obvious, but his sword handling is in a completely different dimension..."

His dual swords, swung in the most optimal, shortest, and fastest trajectories, are about 1.5 times faster in tempo than my reactions.
How should I describe it... it's a sword path that flows continuously like water. His sword movements never stop, and once he goes on the offensive, you just get crushed by an overwhelming barrage of consecutive strikes that you can't possibly deal with.

"Or rather, what kind of movements is he even making... He moves his right shinai like this, and his left... Nnnn?"

And his footwork goes something like this... Alright!

"I've read through your moves, Ryuguin Fuga—Beshhh!?"

I hadn't read through them at all.
Actually, wait, he just accelerated the exact moment he stepped in... Hey, does this AI seriously not have any assists? Are you sure only the enemy AI isn't utilizing movement processing ripped straight out of an action game?

"Kuh... I need to come up with a serious countermeasure... You better remember this!"

I will absolutely win!

...I fired myself up, which was all well and good, but.

"First Sylvia Goldberg, and now this guy. Why do humans who are just this absurdly overpowered exist...?"

If you dig a little deeper than just the general overview and research the person known as "Ryuguin Fugaku," the crazy stories just keep coming out. Countless heroic tales that make you repeatedly question if you accidentally opened the wiki page for a fictional character with the exact same name.

Like his lifetime record of 8,238 wins and 6 losses in official matches alone. Or the fact that there's a spot in the Ryuguin Dojo where the floor literally caved in purely from the weight of all the trophies he won. Or the story that before he turned forty, he wielded a sword so heavy it would literally blow the opponent's shinai away... What exactly am I reading right now? Is this a boss character's lore profile?

"An AI that perfectly traced this guy, huh..."

For now, I guess I'll start by watching the six matches this real-life Sword Saint actually lost.

Author's Afterword
A half-naked woman (salmon head) being dragged into an alleyway.

The urge to write a completely new story unrelated to ShanFro is bubbling up inside me, but I lack the time, the skill, and the brainpower, so someone please turn me into a Machamp.