Chapter 160: A Backward Encounter, and Pandora's Box?

"But still, Sylvi eats a lot as usual. Do you not get fat?"

"I'll kick your ass, playboy. We've got training after this, so I need the calories."

"Even so, you're the one who overslept spectacularly, aren't you? We've been training non-stop since morning, you know? You could at least let us do a little Japan sightseeing."

"Hah, you're just planning to hit on girls like, 'Oh, what an Asian Beauty! How about it, Lady, care to join me for dinner...' anyway."

"Gah! Johnson, I can't believe you managed to propose to your wife with such third-rate pickup lines! If it were me, I'd crumple up a trash script like that and flush it down the toilet!"

"You want me to kick and crush the brains dangling between your legs? Huh?!"

"Could you guys quiet down a bit, I can't hear her voice."

"Hey Alex, that's not a LIVE broadcast, it's a recording, right? I mean... you've listened to that like dozens of times since yesterday, right?"

"Lucas, her voice... grips my heart gentler, and stronger, than marijuana. The number of times, or whether it's a recording... those are trivial matters, you understand?"

"He's crazier than a guy hopped up on drugs..."

"Your girlfriend is coming tomorrow, right?"

"Yeah, even though I told her I'd pay! She's coming here! From Hokkaidou! With her own money! How... how Modest and Refined!!"

"Sylvi! Why did you drop fuel on Alex!"

"Ah man, it's gonna be a long one from here..."

Between the fast-talking English and what sounded like slang mixed in, I couldn't understand most of what they were saying, but... I could at least tell from the general vibe that they were having a really stupid conversation.
The gazes of the entire restaurant were inevitably drawn to this group of Machos + Alpha, who were arguably even louder than us when we get into a trash-talking match. Most of those gazes weren't looks of annoyance... rather, they were looks of surprise and admiration, like they had just spotted a Major Leaguer in the flesh.
Makes sense... they are Pro Gamers, after all. I don't know what room they're staying in, but if you're a celebrity, just have room service bring your food to you...

"Excuse me, sir, have you decided on your order?"

"Nweh!? Ah, uh... I'll have this, then."

"Certainly. What would you like for your toppings?"

"Toppings? Uh... I'll take all of them, then."

Too distracted by what was happening behind me, I ordered my dessert half-absentmindedly while pondering how to handle this bizarre situation.
For the time being... it's highly unlikely I'll be exposed as the temporary member of Metro Squat[*1] or whatever. In other words, there is absolutely zero need for me to be panicking right now, there really isn't, but...

"──No Face? ──..."

"No Name───. ──..."

Every time I caught snippets of words drifting over, my body tensed up; because they were simple English words, even my subpar listening skills could pick them up. And just as I feared, it seemed the mysterious anonymous members were a topic of conversation over there as well, with "No Face" and "No Name" popping up quite frequently.

(It's not like I can understand English anyway, so even if they're having a strategy meeting, I wouldn't get it... Though I could probably pick up on insults or gaming terminology.)

In this day and age, matching up with foreign players isn't exactly a rare occurrence. Since game systems don't magically bridge the language barrier for you, players are forced to figure out how to deal with it themselves.
Because of that, the specific breed of gamer who plays titles where international matchmaking is a possibility usually acquires some method of overcoming that barrier. Well, basically, as long as you memorize simple phrases for "Where are we going?", "What should we do?", and "Insults," you can manage somehow.
An international exchange where "Noob" calls and Japanese-made insults fly back and forth; it really warms the heart, doesn't it.

"Thank you for waiting, sir. Here is the 'Tokyo Erebus Parfait ~Ride of the Valkyries of the Far North~', Fully Equipped (Full Topping)."

"Wait, I ordered the cheese ca—hyuk."

Bringing my consciousness back from the seats behind me to the front... an involuntary, weird noise leaked out of my throat.

Sitting right there, was a mountain. And a freezing, glacial iceberg at that. But it wasn't just a dead, frozen mountain; crimson berry jam erupted from its crater like molten lava, countless stick pastries jutted out from its surface, and at the peaks of those sticks were marshmallows adorned with candy sculptures modeled after angels...

"What is this?"

"This is the 'Erebus Parfait', created by mobilizing our hotel's entire team of pastry chefs. Since our founding, you are the 99th customer to order it Fully Equipped."

"...By the way, how many people have successfully reached the summit?"

"Seven people, on a Solo run."

They actually exist... No, that's not the issue here! Why is a monster like this being delivered to my table? I'm absolutely certain I ordered a cheesecake-type thing. Wait, now that I think about it, what was the dessert displayed right next to the cheesecake on the menu again?

Thanks to the freezing volcano that had suddenly spawned in the dead center of Tokyo, the eyes of the entire restaurant converged on me. Naturally, that included the group sitting in the seats right behind me...

(Crap, I don't really understand what the heck is going on myself, but this is really bad!)

Is this even meant for human consumption? The intended size scale for the container holding this thing seems more suited for a cow or an elephant.
The bowl alone was bigger than my head, and I couldn't even fathom how much milk had been sacrificed to create this majestic, colossal mountain of whipped cream and soft serve. I don't know; even with my eyes, I cannot comprehend it.

"W-Well, it's not like I'm the one paying for it, so if I just consider this an experience..."

The arm I extended to pull the bowl closer wouldn't budge. Am I about to eat a bowling ball right now? The sheer sense of weight made my cheeks twitch.
This is no longer the time to be worrying about my opponents sitting behind me. My Internal Brain Meeting—which has a well-established reputation for settling all conclusions via fistfights—had already deemed this Sweets Monster to be a decisive battle on par with the Wethermon and Lycaon raids.

"Eei, Iza Kamakura...!![*2]"

The time required for subjugation was one and a half hours. It was a fierce, desperate struggle where I—despite my order arriving first—ended up leaving my seat after the members of Star Rain had already left.
Should I call this a result-based victory, or should I admit there was plenty of room for time optimization starting from the menu selection phase... People always say that sweets go into a second storage... wait, no, a "second stomach," but I have reaffirmed that this is a complete lie. When faced with a monster that you can barely defeat even with your main stomach operating at maximum capacity, you absolutely do not have the luxury of preserving a second stomach.

However, during that fierce struggle, there was one phrase I overheard from the seats behind me that caught my attention.

(Ruins War Hounds... That was an FPS, right? I'm pretty sure 6 came out quite a while ago. If it's popping up in a conversation between Pro Gamers, does that mean they're announcing 7 at this GGC or something?)

At the very least, it doesn't seem like a topic I need to be particularly concerned about. First things first, I need to take a break to digest... I feel like I'm gonna throw up.

After all that, I returned to my room without the slightest urge to Full-Dive, so I just flopped onto my back on the bed and zoned out, only to be snapped back to reality by the sound of someone violently and carelessly knocking on my door.
Wondering what was going on, I got up from the bed and, with completely natural movements, equipped my gas mask... wait, if this is a hotel employee, isn't this gonna look really bad?

"Sunraku-kuuuun, are you in there~? The Charismatic Model-sama has come to barge into your room, so pretending you aren't home isn't allowed~!"

Correction, I don't need to take the gas mask off.
Dragging my body—which hadn't fully recovered from the lingering aftereffects of the "Erebus Parfait Subjugation Battle"—I slowly opened the door to my room, revealing Lord Scumbag disguised as a charismatic model, holding a cardboard box with a beaming smile.

"Here you go, a present from me."

"............I don't hear any suspicious ticking noises, alright."

"Hmm, checking to see if it's a bomb the moment you receive a gift from someone... as a human being, isn't that a little messed up?"

Even if it isn't a literal bomb, there's a very real danger she might send me a jack-in-the-box that uses actual gunpowder just because she thought "it'd be funny."

"It's a joke, a joke. So, what is this?"

"Hmm~? Well, you see, if various things about me get exposed, it'll cause issues with my work and all that, so I'm planning on cosplaying on the day of the event."

"Makes sense."

Rather than just covering her face, she plans to hide it as part of a full-body disguise; I admit it's a logical move. Though I don't think it's something you normally do at a gaming tournament.

"Because of that, I just went to go pick up the cosplay outfit I ordered last night. Man, the advancement of the shipping industry really is a wonderful thing."

"I see, I see."

"And so, I figured I might as well drag Sunraku-kun into it too."

"Don't just naturally let the sparks fly over to me."

Why does this person always try to involve as many people as possible whenever she decides to blow something up spectacularly? If I had to compare it, she's an uncontrollable giant firework actively trying to set off all the other fireworks around her... way too dangerous.

"But Sunraku-kun, you don't exactly have a face you can show to people anyway, right?"

"Your choice of words there proves you truly are a scumbag through and through, ahahaha, I'm gonna kick your ass you bastard."

In other words, the contents of the box I just received are cosplay clothes. Complete with the anxiety-inducing bonus of being a "Pencilgon Choice" special.

"I'll ask just in case, but what exactly is in here?"

"I'd say it's a costume perfectly suited for a No Face."

Just taking a picture of her declaring that with such a smug, serious expression and posting it on social media would probably get a massive reaction, but right now, all I feel is the overwhelming urge to smash a pie right into that face of hers.

"By the way, what's yours?"

"Fufufu, look forward to the actual event, I guess?"

I feel nothing but anxiety... hm?

"Got a summons from Katzo."

"Wonder what it is?"

For now, let's head to the designated meeting spot (the in-game entrance lobby).

Author's Afterword
Sylvia: A massive glutton, Japanese pizza is way too small!
Johnson: His proposal line was "I want you to become family with me."
Lucas: Got tricked by Newhalfs[*3] about three times and almost fell completely into that side of the spectrum.
Alex: His broken Japanese is actually just a persona; when the topic shifts to his girlfriend, he starts talking a mile a minute for about two hours.

Lately, thinking up the lore for these Machos might be the most fun I've had writing. Though that's partly because the lore for the Octopus is mostly finalized.

Translator's Notes

• *[1] Metro Squat: Sunraku is horribly misremembering the name of Katzo and Natsume's pro gaming team division, the "Nitro Squad" (ナイトロ・スクワッド - Naitoro Sukuwaddo). He completely butchers it by swapping "Nitro" for "Metro" (地下鉄 - Subway) and "Squad" for "Squat" (屈伸 - Bending/Squatting), resulting in the absurd name "Metro Squat" (メトロスクワット)

• *[2] Iza Kamakura: A traditional Japanese idiom that roughly translates to "In times of emergency" or "Into the fray." It originates from the Kamakura period, referring to samurai rushing to the capital (Kamakura) to defend the shogunate at a moment's notice.

• *[3] Newhalf: A Japanese slang term used to refer to transgender women or male-to-female crossdressers.